Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Top 10 films to make you feel better about being a woman

If you're not already fist pumping 24/7 about your lady parts (if you have lady part that is, honchos are also welcome), then by the wonderful medium of motion picture I hope to encourage you do so.

10. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World 
Ramona Flowers 
You know when someone is so over done, over talked about, overrated? This is not the case with Ramona Flowers. Despite the fact that my generation of cool hip parents are more than likely to all name their spawn after this bundle of joy, I care not, for she is blessed with the best fictional name of all time. And she changes her hair for deeply rooted unexplainable reasons (LIKE ME. FYI, my favourite is green) 
She doesn't let no man just have her, you must battle. And she's got wicked skills, and is just generally the best ever. 

9. The Graduate
Mrs Robinson 
 The ultimate fox. Yes, she is a little bitch *spoiler alert* but when you're that cool and charming does it matter? Also little fact, despite wor Dustin Hoffman was supposed to play a bairn seduced by a mature lady, she was only a few years older than him. OH YOU OLD DOG 

8.  An Education
Jenny Mellor 
A true story about a girl who must choose between her dreams of an Oxford education or whether to hang with a hip handsome older gent. I guarantee this will make you pat your crotch and say 'thank God I didn't grow a tadge in the womb'. Do we need a man, or An Eduction? HAWAY MAN THERE'S NO COMPETITION, GAN FOR THE GUY WHO TAKES YA TO PARIS (I'm obviously joking, I'm an academic snob)

7. Hard Candy 
Hayley Stark 
  This young androgynous piece of Ellen Page is just such a powerful young character. She's intelligent, knows how to handle herself, and is capable of unspeakable things (ouch). Generally brilliant film full of twists, with the central theme of a rock solid kid with a quite a head on her shoulders. 

6. Amelie
The single cutest film known to man, with the single best hair cut ever for the single most iconic character ever know. Amelie is a lady who does things no woman would dare, and manages to be French all at the same time. Everyone loves a friendly nutter, and when they're this good at making a man meet them, there is little else you need.

5. Fifth Element 
 Lilu's character represents the greatest being in the world that returns to save the planet from an imminent death. The face this 'being' comes to Earth as a lady says a lot, right? She's also insanely smart and strong, and obviously beautiful. And she gets to chill with Bruce 'tank tops' Willis, which is always nice.

  4. Planet Terror
 Cherry Darling 
 Miss Darling can truly stand up for herself, don't need no man, and she's super beautiful. Oh, and did I mention she handles loosing her leg pretty well... by attaching a machine gun to it (I'm aware this is a rip off of the Japanese film Machine Girl, but this is Tarentino, duh)

3. True Romance
  Alabama is my ultimate female icon. She's brave, loving and isn't afraid to prance around in a blue bra. I also have a weird bond with ladies of the night, I wonder why... She is continuously shown to be really tough mentally and physically. I love that this doesn't translate in her costume. I think the idea that a woman shouldn't be feminine and slutty if she wants to be taken seriously is about as backwards as Russia's agricultural system in the mid to late 1800's. That's me proving with a simple modern history analogy that WOMEN ARE SMART AND COOL.

2. Barbarella 
I find it DISGUSTING that this film received a mere 5.8 on IMBD. IT'S ABOUT A LADY, WHO IS THE ULTIMATE SEX BEING. It's absolutely flawless. The costumes (credited to no less than Paco Robane) are ever changing due to Barbarella's continuous struggle to keep her clothes on. If you haven't seen it, and want to feel like the ultimate sexual being, this is for you. There is just so much nude Jane Fonda, I'm going to put it on right now I'm that excited. 

1. Alien 
 Absolutely lethal, independent, unbeatable. And, of course, a woman. She needs no more than to say she's one of the toughest characters ever, regardless of her gender.

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