1. It's yet another Christian associated day that now has been turned into a period through which consumerism takes over and we give too much money to evil chocolate makers.
2. Most people don't know who Geoffrey Chaucer is.
3. The post-Christmas winter blues is almost cured by mid February, therefore, bringing the single part of the population back to square one is immensely selfish of you and you are no better than Hitler
4. The holiday is symbolised with an anatomically incorrect vital organ, which is not cool.
5. Restaurants only serve set menus for extortionate prices.
6. Too many babies are born in October/November.
7. It's hugely overrated. In turn, your expectations as a WOMAN - romance, good home made food, flattering lighting, hair strokes, slow sensual love, Pretty In Pink- MAN- a blow job, meat, fetish costume (preferably sexy gangster, which is genuinely available at all participating Ann Summers stores), an extended erection- may NOT play out.
PLEASE NOTE: YOU ARE INADEQUATE REPRESENTATION OF YOUR SEX IF THE CRITERIA STATED ABOVE DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU
8. Too many compilation CDs are released and PURCHASED during this period.
9. You're mistaken, Michael Buble isn't good.
10. Ryan Gosling probably won't build a beautiful house after you break his heart.
11. Cheese is better than chocolates.
12. The Red Roses is not the most beautiful flower, the Lilly of the Valley is.
13. It's not nice when the only person to send you a card is your mum. And she signs it 'mum'
14. You're probably not in love.